We all have friends like this. You're at a gathering of families and one child from one family engages in behavior so obnoxious, you wish you were anywhere else. Constant attention-seeking, interrupting conversations, petty demands ... these are now common traits in American homes, not the exception.
There is no doubt that America's youth are far removed from even the "rebels" of James Dean's day. In fact, when we note the acts of violence, narcissism and coldness towards others, it is apparent that the challenge to raise children of good character is a battleground.
Reb Bradley understands this (doesn't his name sound like a field general?) and his classic book, "Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young" has now become part of the national dialogue.
(Bradley and his wife, Beverly, have raised six children, so his credentials are sure!)
As Bradley notes in the preface to his book: "Many years ago, when the first few of our six children were born, we were hoping they would come with an owner's manual. They didn't, so our first ones were the experiments – we did the best we could with what we knew – and we didn't know all that much.
"I am definitely not a parent who did everything right – I am actually jealous of people like that. In my journey through rearing our children, I fell into many holes along the way. My aim with this book is to show other parents the locations of the holes and how to get out if they fall in, hence the subtitle, 'What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young.'"
True enough, but his insights are so thorough and time-tested, interested readers will realize what a valuable manual they have in their hands.
Take for example Bradley's commentary on "misunderstanding human depravity." It is common in our society today to assume that man is inherently good, but from time to time, some of us are products of circumstances beyond our control and so our bad behavior can be somehow excused.
Wrong.
"One dangerous, humanistic idea that has crept into the Church is that children are basically good and need only be loved and cared for to bring out that good. This view not only ignores the basic teaching of Scripture, but encourages parents to let a child's nature take its own course. That is tantamount to taking a wild skunk as a pet, believing it will never release its stench because of the good home you will give it. The Bible teaches that allowing a self-centered heart to take its natural course brings heartache to parents.
"God has spoken clearly in the Scriptures about the depraved nature of humanity. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that 'the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.'"
Such a basic view is so foundational to rearing children – especially in today's profoundly challenging culture – that one wonders if beleaguered parents can accomplish much of anything apart from this one pearl of Bradley wisdom.
What could we see in proper perspective if we understood this Scriptural truth?
Bradley also rightly notes what happens when a parent submits to his child's leadership, rather than the reverse. Among the calamities:
- Parents need their children's approval
- Dread comes from "making their children mad at them"
- Treats are offered to defuse child anger
- Offering extensive explanations in the face of demands
Such an environment is not good for anyone ... especially children! Bradley explains what healthy behavior and surroundings can do for the children themselves, and is one more reason why "Child Training Tips" should be required reading.
With wisdom that comes from raising children, Bradley also cautions parents – when they reach the end of his book – about reacting too aggressively, as if sudden action will undo years of faulty parenting. Rather, he counsels parents to come up with a strategy with each other.
In the end, he also offers a loving correction that requires action on the part of the parents themselves, from the heart: "Discipline yourself to greet your kids with a smile. You do love your children, so let it leak out through your teeth. You may be amazed how differently they respond to you."
"Child Training Tips" will save you years of grief and allow you and your children to enjoy a lifetime of healthy interaction.
If you are a parent in similar circumstances, or know of someone who is, do everyone a favor and pick up a copy of this terrific book.