I must confess that I was never as big a fan of Sarah Palin as some Republicans. But honesty compels me to confess that much of my antipathy derived from the fact that her voice had the same effect on me that bagpipes and fingernails on a blackboard have on others. So the fact that she threw her support to Newt Gingrich, a serial adulterer and a K Street lobbyist, didn’t disillusion me as much as it might have.

I realize that because Newt allegedly asked God for His forgiveness, all his tomcatting around is supposed to be off the table. The problem is, I think God should have waited to find out if Newt’s ex-wives forgave him because where I come from, they’re the ones who were wronged.

Just for the record, I have two divorces on my own record. But I never committed adultery, and I didn’t have girlfriends in the wings when I divorced my wives. What’s more, the first one didn’t have cancer, and the second one hadn’t recently been diagnosed with MS when we parted company. In fact, I suspect that if I were running for president, neither would try to derail my campaign and at least one of them, the Republican, would even vote for me.

Much has been made about Gingrich being a man of ideas. But the fact is, what’s required of a president are principles and a political philosophy that’s in tune with that of America’s Founding Fathers. A president always has access to the best ideas in America; he needn’t limit himself to only those that spring willy-nilly from his own head.

I realize that for obvious reasons, Newt would like Republicans to see him as Ronald Reagan incarnate. But the fact is, he has far more in common with Barack Obama. Both are thin-skinned and narcissistic. In musical terms, the president should be the conductor of a 310 million-piece orchestra, but these guys see themselves as one-man bands. They’re like one of those guys you used to see on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” beating a bass drum on his chest, clashing cymbals between his knees and wheezing into a harmonica.

Reagan always used plural pronouns when referring to the accomplishments of his administration; with Obama and Gingrich, whether they’re referring to taking out Osama bin Laden or helping to balance the federal budget during the ’90s, it’s all I, me and myself.

Another person who unfortunately reminds me of Obama is Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. In Obama’s case, his problem with the U.S. Constitution is that it failed to deal with the redistribution of wealth. In Ginsburg’s case, the problem is that it’s an outdated document that ignored the rights of women, slaves and Native Americans.

In a recent interview shown on Egyptian TV, she had a few good things to say about our Constitution, but she advised her listeners not to use ours as a model in a post-Mubarak society. “I would not look to the U.S. Constitution if I were drafting a constitution in the year 2012,” she said. Instead, she referred Egyptians to the constitutions of South Africa, Canada and the European Convention on Human Rights. She added: “I can’t speak about what the Egyptian experience should be, because I’m operating under a rather old constitution.”

As she approaches her 79th birthday, I would have appreciated it if she had limited her remarks to the state of her own aging constitution. Which, I dare say, is in far worse shape than our nation’s.

Not to be outdone by a cranky old woman when it comes to making stupid remarks, Jesse Jackson voiced concern that Gov. Jan Brewer’s pointing her finger at Barack Obama could jeopardize his safety by inciting others to violence. This is the same Jesse Jackson who got terribly upset in 2008, when he decided that candidate Obama had insulted blacks by proposing to expand George Bush’s federal assistance for faith-based social services. At the time, the Rev. Jackson, unaware that his microphone was live, turned to a friend and said, “I want to cut his nuts off!”

In response to those Republicans who feel that this bitter primary season will leave our party deeply divided and unable to unite and defeat Obama, I’m here to reassure them. If, as seems likely, Mitt Romney is the standard-bearer, Gingrich will say, “I still think he’s a Massachusetts moderate, but that sure beats being stuck with an Illinois socialist.” With the promise that the Federal Reserve will finally face a long overdue audit, Ron Paul will enthusiastically hop aboard the bandwagon.

As for Rick Santorum, I think he’ll be happy as a lark if Romney simply buys up all those surplus sweater vests he’ll have lying around in his garage.


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